Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
