He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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