Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
