So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
