I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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