It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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