I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
