Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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