Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize