Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
