ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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