That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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