If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
