You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Congratulations! We have a period
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
