At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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