I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
