I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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