Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
