Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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