I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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