you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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