I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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