Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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