my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
