goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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