it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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