Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
