Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
