Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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