new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
