so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
