i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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