I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
