Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize