Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
