is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
