i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
