dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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