I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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