She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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