there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
