I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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