hell yes lets make some ravioli
You can't motorboat a personality
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
