Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
