she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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