Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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