The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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