im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
