Having a random hookup so left but love u
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
