I CAN MOONWALK!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
