I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
