My hand turned me down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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