I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
