i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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