I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize