and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What a dumb baby whore.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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