Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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