Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
