Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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