I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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