im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
