a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
