and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
