I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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