I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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