Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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