you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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