You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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