her vagine was all disorganized.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
