it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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