im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
