Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize