omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize