Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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