my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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