omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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